Ate away my sanity – a poem

CW: contains ableist and saneist words used as reclaimed words for self expression

Stigmas
Stereotypes
Consequences
Do I say?
Do I tell?

Do I mention the things that cannot be seen.
Do I speak the things they do not know.
My mind debates, it talks, and squirms.

I want to break down barriers
Not be held back by stigmas
But my mind is an ever lasting shriek
Scared like hell of the consequences.

You see the thing is I am:
Mad
Crazy
Bonkers
Batshit
Insane
Nutty
Mental

You see that’s the thing do I say or not.
For years it was a secret,
No one knew.
I allowed my mind to eat itself alive.
I devoured my own brain.
Ate away my sanity.

You see I am mentally ill
I will say it now, but the damage of secrets is done.
Folk think I am so incredibly open,
Yet 89% of my mind is closed off to the public.
It stays under wraps,
Maybe one item goes on display
Yet really I am a secret waiting to explode.
Waiting for that whistleblower moment.
Yet I do not think it will come.

You see the stigma is so strong.
The consequences are so scary.
So I will take my whole truth to the grave.
Where the silence will devour it forever.