I’m an atheist, but God made me his chosen one

I firstly want to say that my memory of this is patchy at times, and that some of the information I have got from what others have said.

Back in late 2021 I started hearing a voice telling me he was God and that I was the chosen one. I was confused and scared. I tried to stay distracted as best as possible. As an atheist I tried to remind myself that God does not exist.

After a month or so it didn’t matter that I am an atheist, I was God’s chosen one. There was no reasoning with me.

I was the chosen one, and no doubt about it. God was telling me that as the chosen one I needed to spill my blood to purify the land, and then ultimately kill myself in order to rid the world of evil, such as Covid, war, poverty etc.

It got to the stage that I could not be left alone, even at night time. I was telling people I was plotting to spill my blood and end it all whenever I got the chance. Evan was staying up all night, then friends would come over and sit with me whilst Evan slept.

I think myself and Evan went to A&E about five times in about a week. The first four times they kept telling us there were no beds and basically told Evan to stay awake and watch me.

The fifth time at A&E I was sectioned under the mental health act. One thing I especially remember was the first question in my mental health act assessment. I was asked what brought me to A&E. Autistic me replied that a taxi had brought me. They had to say they meant why was I in A&E. I said I did not know. I don’t remmber much else of the assessment. However, I do remember when they finished the assessment and went out of the room to discuss, and they were back within about 20 seconds to tell me I was sectioned, that I was a danger to myself, and that I was not aware I was a danger to myself due to my condition and the episode I was in.

Being God’s chosen one was extremely exhausting and draining. I felt an extreme amount of pressure upon me. Completely believing that I was responsible for the terrible things going on in the world was fucking draining and terrifying. At the time I was angry, really angry, with the people who were watching me. In my state I was angry that I was being stopped from purifying the land and curing the world of all the wrong and bad things.

I was angry that people did not understand that I was being stopped from helping to save humanity, amd making the world a better and happier place.

I did not understand at all that I was psychotic. I was distressed, scared and angry.

The psychiatrist on the ward diagnosed me with schizoaffective disorder bipolar type, and started me on the anti psychotic clozapine. After a few weeks the clozapine slowly started to have an affect on me. I was still hearing the voice of God, telling me I was the chosen one. However, I was able to have a small part of insight, and this meant that I wasn’t about to harm myself at the first given opportunity.

Psychosis is difficult to cope with and go through.

This episode was an acute psychotic episode where I believed that I was God’s chosen one.

So yes I am an atheist, but God made me his chosen one.