I know

You told me to
wear make up
like popular music
wear dresses and skirts
drink alcohol
not talk about history
keep still
keep quiet
talk less
talk more
make eye contact
not meltdown
not tic
smile more
be happy
not be anxious
be sociable
not stim
not talk about classical music
act neurotypical

So I tried it all
I tried so damn hard.

You see I didn’t want to be the one who was tormented and alone
So I tried it all to fit in how you wanted me to.

I wanted to be liked
I wanted a few friends
But the friends I made were fake as they knew a fake me.
They also didn’t care.

I know I’m different and that’s ok
I know I’m liked as me.
The friendships I have now are genuine
as I’m no longer faking who I am.

I know I’m different and that’s ok
I’m a non-binary trans man and that’s ok
I’m gay and asexual and that’s ok

I am severly mentally ill and that’s ok
I have Tourette’s and that’s ok
I’m autistic and that’s ok
I’m a wheelchair user and that’s ok

I know my special interest is the Tudor period and that’s ok
I love classical music and that’s ok

I stim and that’s ok
I have sensory overloads and that’s ok
I have meltdowns and that’s ok

I know I love history and that’s ok
I don’t want to drink alcohol and that’s ok
I love my beard and that’s ok.

I know my limits and that’s ok
I know I can’t cope with many things and that’s ok.

Every time you told me to fit in
to avoid being the bullied, abused person with no friends.
I believed you.
but any friends I had weren’t true friends who cared.

I know now that I can be myself
completely myself
and people like me.

I know that adults lie to young people who aren’t ‘the norm’
Because you all lied to me.
I know I’m different
and that’s ok

I now know
I don’t need to fit in to have friends.

I also know I’m not less,
just because I’m different.

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