Demiguy/demiboy/demiman is someone who partially, but not wholly, identifies as a man or masculine, regardless of the gender assigned at birth.
I bet most of you would say I am a man, no questions asked that would be how you would describe my gender. Well let me tell you how you are sort of right, but also wrong.
When I came out as trans (early 2010) I made myself really quite masculine, I wanted to be seen as a man and I said I was a man, nothing else a man. In fact even prior to coming out and living as female I was very masculine.
I thought when I came out I had my gender identity sorted, I thought I was now neatly in the male box. I didn’t really know that gender wasn’t a binary of two neat boxes, but rather a continuum between the two and people were at various points, or outside of it.
I went along with my transition and continued being really quite masculine, but gradually I started identifying as a trans man rather than solely as a man, the trans part felt important. And along with that I began to allow myself to be more me, to not be ashamed of the feminine aspects, to allow myself to be open and proud of the things I like and to realise I don’t need to try and be really masculine.
I was still stressed though as I couldn’t find the label for how I felt. I know many say labels are bad, we shouldn’t label ourselves so much, well I need and like labels, I need names for things and to be able to categorise things. So not having a word or words for how I feel was really frustrating. However I started to explore non binary identities. For me personally the term non-binary doesn’t feel right to label myself, even though I fit the definition of non-binary, I just can’t seem to feel comfortable with using the term for myself. There are many identities within non-binary. Eventually I found one that fits me ‘demiguy’
See I present as masculine and am quite masculine in some ways (but feminine in other ways), I use he/him pronouns, yet for me I do not feel or identify as completely male or masculine. I do not fit neatly in the male box, I am not completely at the male end of the gender spectrum. I couldn’t put a percentage on it (although I really wish I could as I like things to be accurate and I like facts and numbers etc, but I can’t put a definite number on it)
So saying I am a man is sort of correct, it won’t offend me, but I do feel being called a man or calling myself a man erases part of my identity and part of me.
Forms which ask for your gender frustrate me, usually you can only tick one box and if they have a trans option I do not know whether to tick male or transgender (if I can tick more than one or it is on paper I will tick both) I wish all forms just said ‘gender_______’ and gave you the option of how you identify your gender.
So over the last few years if I have had the option to just express my gender how I wish on forms I would write trans man, now I tend to write trans man demiguy or trans masculine demiguy.
So yeah, I’m a demiguy, on the gender spectrum I am towards the male end, but do not completely identify as male.
If you do have questions feel free to ask, but people lets not be numpties, be respectful and if I don’t want to answer something I don’t have to.
6 thoughts on “I’m a demiguy”
I’ve had a similar experience with actually questioning my gender more as I progress through the steps I need to take in physical transition. Now I don’t feel the need to ‘perform’ or affirm my masculinity, I am starting to think of myself as agender – though I don’t know whether this is because of being autistic and struggling to relate to other people’s experiences of gender.
I get what you mean about that last bit. I’m unsure if being autistic means I struggle more to understand gender and relate to others experiences. Although I do feel more settled now I have a term for how I feel rather than having no idea how to describe it.
I think this is fantastic! I actually had never heard people refer to it as demiguy or demiman, only ever demiboy which always put me off as it didn’t fit me. I like demiguy, I think it basically summarises how I feel about my gender but I prefer the label non-binary for myself at present (who knows if that may change…).
Congrats on finding a label that fits! 🙂
Yeah I don’t feel demiboy fits me either.
I’ve been thinking of using this label myself. Whilst I present masculine, I don’t feel 100% male and I don’t ever want to be seen as a cis man. I’m hoping that once I’m happier within myself that I can explore my femininity a bit more. Brave post, nice one Oliver 🙂 x
I remember for me it took a while and for the hormones to change me quite a bit before I was more comfortable expressing my femininity 🙂